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Questions to ask

Questions to ask your parents about their life

The best questions to ask your parents are specific and open: ask where they grew up, how they met, what their first job was, what raising you was really like, and what they hope you remember. Ask one question at a time, listen more than you talk, and write the answers down the same day, because details fade fast.

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Why ask now

Most of us know our parents as parents: the people who packed lunches, worried about grades and drove us everywhere. We rarely know the person who came before that, the child with a favourite hiding place, the teenager who broke the rules, the young adult who took a risk on a job or a move.

Those stories do not get told on their own. They come out when someone asks, and they stay when someone writes them down. The questions below are grouped by stage of life, and each one links to a page with why it matters and how to ask it well.

Questions about their childhood

Start here. Childhood questions are easy to answer and often open up a flood of memories: a street, a smell, a sibling, a family routine. They also show you the house your parent came from, which explains a lot about the house you grew up in.

Questions about school and growing up

School years and the teenage years are where people become themselves. These questions are often the funniest to ask, and the answers are the ones parents rarely volunteer: the rules they broke, the crush they never mentioned, the moment they first felt grown up.

Questions about love and how they met

How your parents met is the first chapter of your own story. Ask each of them separately if you can: the two versions rarely match, and the differences are often the best part. If your parents are no longer together, these questions still matter; ask about the love stories that shaped them, in whatever form they took.

Questions about their work

Work fills most of an adult life, yet many of us know little more than a job title. Ask how they got started, what they were proud of and what went wrong. The answers often hold advice you will want for your own working life.

The Tell Me Your Story journals

Questions about raising you

These are the memories you were there for but too young to keep. Ask about the day you were born, how they chose your name, what they worried about and what they would do differently. Be ready for honest answers; they are usually kinder than you expect.

Questions about home and everyday life

Ordinary days disappear first. A recipe, a favourite song, a perfect weekend: these small answers are often the pages a family reads again and again.

Questions about life lessons

Advice lands differently in a parent's own words. These questions give them a reason to put what they have learned into sentences, and give you something to come back to when you need it.

Questions about what they hope you remember

Save these for last, when the conversation has warmed up. Some things people only say when someone asks for them directly. Give them time, and let them write the answer if saying it out loud is hard.

How to ask your parents about their life

If you want the questions in one place, the Tell Me Your Story, Mom and Tell Me Your Story, Dad journals hold 100 guided questions each, one per page, with room to write, photo pages and a family tree. To start small, get the free 25 questions on one printable page.

  • One question per conversation is enough. Let the answer wander where it wants to go.
  • Bring an old photo. Ask who is in it, where it was taken and what happened that day.
  • Ask for a scene, not a summary: "What did the kitchen look like?" gets more than "What was your childhood like?"
  • Record their voice on your phone if they are comfortable with it, then put the phone face down and forget about it.
  • Write the answer down the same day, while the names and small surprises are still fresh.
  • If talking is hard, give them the question in writing and let them answer in their own time and their own handwriting.

Questions, answered

What are good questions to ask your parents about their life?

Good questions are specific and open-ended: where they grew up, what their parents were like, how they met, their first job, what raising you was like, the best advice they were given and what they hope you remember. Ask one at a time and let them tell it their way.

How do I get my parents to open up about their past?

Start with easy, concrete questions about places and people rather than feelings. Bring an old photo, ask for small details, and listen without correcting. Many parents find it easier to write an answer than to say it, so a journal they can fill in privately often works well.

Should I ask my Mom and Dad the same questions?

Many questions work for both, and asking each of them separately is worth it: their versions of the same story often differ in revealing ways. Some questions are naturally different, such as how each of them felt about becoming a parent.

How should I record my parents' answers?

Write them down the same day, or ask your parent to write them in a journal in their own handwriting. A voice recording on your phone is a good addition. Handwritten pages and a recorded voice become very precious later.

Is there a printable list of questions to ask my parents?

Yes. The free 25 questions printable on this page is one page you can print or keep on your phone, and the Tell Me Your Story journals for Mom and Dad hold 100 guided questions each, with room to write.

Free printable

The 25 questions you’ll wish you had asked

For your Mom, Dad, Grandma or Grandpa: the stories families most often lose, on one page to print or keep on your phone. Free when you join the porch list.